Our First Outing...Done.

Let me start this blog by saying that I am fully aware that it is like therapy for me.  And today...I feel like I need therapy.  So...here I go!
When we started this journey, I knew it would be tough.  But, the whole time...I kept thinking that God is making this miraculous.  He is fully capable...but we don't learn much that way, do we?  It is easy to go through journeys like this and not learn as much as we are able.  I learned a lot today.
The main thing that I learned is that I am not strong enough to do it.  I have to quit relying on myself to do things. God is able.  He is willing.  And he will get me through.  I see him do it for so many others.  Especially other adopting Moms...they have been so inspiring.
We took O to Garden City today.  We worked it out so that we could take him out to try on some shoes.  They didn't have any in his size...but I thought it would be fun.  It was NOT fun.  O was not having a good time.  He actually was upset the whole time.  It didn't take long to realize that we went for too much too fast.  It also didn't take long for me to throw in the towel and say it was time to go back.  He has been through so much.  I don't know that he has ever seen a mall type building before.  We are new...we are white on top of that!  He was scared.  He also doesn't really understand how to express his feelings.  So, when he gets upset...he just kind of freaks out.  He is such a little trooper though.  He also must have known I needed it b/c he gave me my first, unprompted kiss this evening.  And he laughed right afterward.  This boy...he melts me.
We also saw a little white girl walking in the mall about Gracie's age and I lost it.  I knew I would miss her...but I am being such a sissy!
We went back out and I almost got squished by a truck...but there was coffee afterward and life was good agian.  
And I also have to say that I find myself REALLY looking forward to the end of the day when I can come over to the internet place and see our friends and family supporting us.  Really.  Thank you so much.  I'm not sure if you realize how much it means to me...to all of us.

To Our Sweet O,
Oh little man...you gave me a run for my money today.  You have taught me so much already.  I don't think I would learn these things any other way.  And to have you kiss me all on your own at the end of the day was like the most amazing gracious gift you cold give.  You are such a trooper.  You have been through a lot and you smile and you laugh.  You amaze me.  I love you more than you will ever know.  I can't wait until you are able to know that I am here for you forever.  I am not going anywhere baby boy.

Love you more,
Mommy