But this week...I have struggled. Really. I didn't realize the battle would be so...big. It felt like it was coming from all directions. And that's because it was. I am very blessed and have remembered that throughout all this. But still...just have felt so overwhelmed. I found myself having a really hard time finding the light in my every day.
It is such a strange conflict within myself. My SOUL has peace. My HEAD is a big, hazy mess.
A woman I have always looked up to (Mom) told me something and it hit home. She said "The only way you are going to win this one is on your knees and in the word".
So....these are the verses I used to get me through the muck.
Romans 5:3-5
"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perserverance; perserverance , character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Today, however, has been a great day. I was really ready to get out of the haze and Josh was there to extend his hand to help pull me out. He was just what I needed to see what God was trying to tell me all week long. I LOVE how God uses Joshua these days!!! I feel more peace than I have in a long time! And honestly, our circumstances haven't really changed too much. Gracie is still waiting to get in to the doc, O is still half way across the world, and blah blah blah. I won't bore you with the rest.
What HAS happened today is this: I perservered. I hung in there. And God's promises are always truth. He is always there. Even in the muck. Regardless of what the muck is. There are so many other people out there with amazing attitudes. They are going through MUCH harder circumstances than we are. And they are totally reliant on God. And he gives them peace. Hope. Perserverance.
So...I will AGAIN trust my God. Why wouldn't I? He never fails.
Joshua also heard today that the babies home O is in got our paperwork. We are wiring some money this week and he will be checked out by a doctor next week! Praise the Lord! Results should be given within a week of the testing. Looking forward to that!
Gracie also has 100% healthy eyes! So, that is always a blessing. We will continue to check in every 3 months for a while to make sure her juvenile rheumatoid arthritis isn't effecting those pretty blue peepers. We are probably looking at a few months until she sees a pediatric rheumatologist to see what we are really looking at with her. We are sure God is using this time to teach us.
I have posted some of my favorite pics from the week. To our family and friends: Thanks for going through this with us! And a special thanks to my girlfriends - you know who you are - that kept me out of the nut house this week. Mom - I thank God for you every day. Thank you for being so amazing.
To my sweet O,
I look at your picture all the time. Today I looked at it and felt...different. I felt closer. I feel like I'm going to hold you sooner than I thought. And I can't wait!!! Those brown eyes reach out and grab my heart every time I look at you. I can't wait to see you face to face so you can see me. The Mom who will never hurt you. Always love you. No matter what. Your Daddy may be even more excited than me - if that's possible. And your big sister is getting impatient. She is ready for you to come HOME.
Love you more,
Mom
Gracie and Nana
Gracie at the eye doc - where she was a rock star once again!
P.S.: Guess what O's room decor is going to be!!! Yes, the same as the blog background. It will be the best balance between low key and fire chic - in a boy way, of course. :)
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