Reflecting on 2010

Well, if you are reading this...it looks like God has blessed you with another year - like me!  That is great news, right?  I've never been real big on resolutions - though I do like the fresh new start that comes with another year. It feels almost like a do-over.  Another opportunity to be better at what I am doing...in every aspect of my life.  I often try so hard...and then feel bad that I didn't succeed as much as I thought I was supposed to.  This year is a little bit different.  I still like the fresh, new start we get with another new year.  In fact...I am going to embrace it. However, this year, more than ever, I am also going to look back at the year that was 2010.  WHAT A YEAR. I had no idea where it would take us last January.  And look at where we are!!!  God is so incredibly amazing...and I am a fool if I think that I can even begin to figure out what and where and who I will be in December of 2011.  So, with this fresh, new start...I am going to try REALLY hard NOT TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT.  I am going to REALLY try to live one day at a time.  Appreciate that day.  Challenges and all.

Reflecting on the past year, I have learned the following lessons about myself (of course this is just a few of many):
1.  I don't know much of anything.
2.  I LOVE my daily shower.  I love to let the water drip into my mouth and flood it and spit it out.  LOVE it.
3.  I have too much stuff.
4.  I have too short of  a fuse.
5.  I am uncomfortable.
6.  I am changing...growing...being molded.
7.  I am learning who God wants me to be.
8.  I am appreciating that this life is only temporary.  And praise God for his son and the fact that I get eternity in heaven.
9.  I have the most amazing children.  REALLY.  They are so...inspiring...determined....smiley...beautiful...everything I want to be.
10.  I have an incredible husband - who is the head of our household...and I am happy about it.
11.  I have been blessed with an open minded, accepting, loving, beautiful family that I wouldn't change for anything.
12.  I am rich.
13.  I REALLY love coffee.  A LOT.  Ok...maybe I already knew that, but I am reminded over and over!
14.  My friends are more like family.
15.  People love us so much.  They loved us enough to help us bring our son home.  That is A LOT of love. And time.  And donations.  And PRAYER.  People made a difference in our lives.   They did things they didn't have to do.   Went out of their way.  Made a WORLD of difference to us.  They are and will always be a part of our family.
As you can see...some of these lessons have been BIG ones and some have been smaller.  Some have impacted my life forever and some have always been an impact on my life.  Perhaps the biggest thing I have learned and come to appreciate was toward the end of this year and it is this:  GOD DID NOT PUT ME HERE TO BE HAPPY OR CONTENT.  I can't find peace in this world.  I am not going to feel "accomplished" or like I have gotten where he wants me to be.  And I don't need to.  But, what I CAN rest in is the fact that if I am uncomfortable...feeling stretched at all ends...almost desperate...then I am right where my amazing God wants me to be.  THIS IS WHERE I GROW THE MOST.  I get lost in the day to day.  In the easy stuff.  Where I am FORCED to find peace in God is at the times where I can't handle it on my own.
When I first realized this it kinda freaked me out...like who wants to live the rest of their life in strife?  Isn't there really an easy button?  But, now I really can kind of feel great about it.  God is using me.  THAT IS WHAT THIS LIFE IS ABOUT.  I am not always sure what he is using me for...but he is with me always.  And HE IS ALL I NEED.  When I live life for HIM...I am able to really appreciate the blessings that come with every day.  And instead of living happy...I get to LIVE.  Really...LIVE.  It is so different.  And so much better.
I like who I am today. Wife.  Stressed.  Mom.  Flawed.  Daughter.  Overwhelmed.  Sister.  Laughing.  Friend.  Loving.  Person.  Caring.  I have the rest of my life to work on me - or rather to let God have his way with me.  I know that He has big plans for the rest of the years to come.  I am so excited about it.  I hope every person reading this (and those who aren't), realize that God has GREAT PLANS FOR YOU TOO.  You may have NO IDEA what kind of things he is planning on doing with you in 2011.  Please let me know if I can pray for anything specific.  My email is to the right of my posts.
I would love to leave you with pics...but our computer is a bit of a mess right now and I can't download them.  So...hang tight...more to come soon!
Happy New Year!  May your  2011 be as wrecked and beautiful as our 2010 was!  God bless!

To Our Sweet Owen,
Son, you have opened my eyes to a whole new world.  I thank you for that.  I love you for you.  Your little legs are getting chubby.  Your in the 47th percentile for your weight.  Still need to catch up on your height.  But, your head is in the 97th!  You are SO smart...you must need room for that giant brain.  You are learning new things every day.  You tell me you love me without being prompted.  And I melt.  You and your sister have this crazy connection - you bicker and fight like any siblings would.  But, when we are out and the other needs something...you come running.  It is this cool bond you have formed - and I marvel in it. You are more of a blessing to us than we could have ever imagined.  I thank God daily that 2ish years ago, he made you in another woman's womb...for us.  You are perfect.  Happy New Year Baby Boy!
Love you more,
Mommy