Confessions of a snowed in Mommy

Ok...I have known that this post needed to happen for...oh...about...3 months now...but until I was locked in my home for 4+ days, I was pushing it off.  So, here goes...
Sometimes I have a short fuse.  This is no surprise to my close friends and family.  I struggle with it.  And with our current family situation, this fuse has reared it's ugly head.  I could psychoanalyze myself to death to try to figure it all out, but that wouldn't change anything...so I am accepting it and allowing God to change it.
I'm NOT saying I abuse my children.  This is never OK.  Of course.  What I AM saying is that I think I don't really handle everything the best way I could.  I yell too much.  I say things that may be too ugly ("Are you CRAZY?!?").  I don't always think before reacting.  I don't always pause.  So...needless to say...my short fuse shows.  What quickly follows is MOMMY GUILT.  Most Moms I have talked to have admitted that Mommy guilt is common.
Gracie is VERY strong willed.  And it looks like I traveled the world for another strong willed child in Owen.  When you take that...add a strong willed parent (yes, Mom I admit it)...and the situation we are in...and a Daddy who works a lot so Mommy can stay home...it equals lots of Mommy guilt.  Lots of moments where I just know I could have handled it better.
I call Josh all upset that I lost my cool...he tells me that it is normal.  It is OK.  I'm doing the best I can.  I am a good Mommy - great actually.  And it's not that I think I stink at this.  I really do think I am doing the best that I CAN.  But after a good session of Mommy guilt I have had to have Josh and friends, or my Mom, remind me of it.
What I think is that I am normal.  Owen has been through a lot.  Gracie is going through a lot.  We are all in this transition and sometimes it isn't easy.
When you are stuck in the house for 4 days...against your own will...as if you were a prisoner...and you are in the delicate transition we are in...there are moments that seem...well, not so fun.  We made brownies (from scratch - a first), we watched movies, we did artwork.  We went outside in the snow and played.  We laughed and smiled...and had a good time.  BUT...my children are a bit territorial.  Even of me...sometimes there just isn't enough of me.
Owen and Gracie truly love each other and it shows.  Loud and clear.  Owen also LOVES to play with whatever toy Gracie has.  Wants to sit next to her while she is going potty.  Wants to sit on top of her during movie time.  Is it a surprise that my 4 year old yells all day long "Owen!!! I need some space!!!"?  Then, there is the language thing...Owen doesn't always understand yet.  And...he spits when he gets mad.  Gracie sometimes seems to REALLY think she is the Mommy.
Anyway...on day 3 of iced/snow in time...I gave up.  I took a black marker and blacked out the date on our family calendar.  This is the day I quit.  Really.
I am not strong enough...cucumber cool enough...calm enough to do this.  SO...starting on the 3rd of Feb 2010 (yes, this is partially to hold myself accountable)...I AM ALLOWING GOD TO TAKE OVER THE HARD TIMES.  The times where I use all the advice, the Dobson books, The Connected Child, and it doesn't work.  When I kindly ask 4 times and get nothing, but yell and it gets their attention...ALL GIVEN TO GOD.  Because HE CAN HANDLE IT.  And I can't.
Day 4 and 5 (so far) are going MUCH better.  I think part of the problem is that I am taking it personally.   It isn't really always about me.  I am not ALWAYS responsible to hold the weight of every situation in the world - their worlds - on MY shoulders.  These kids have PERSONALITY.  They have awesome ones actually.  And they are going to be AMAZING adults...since God himself will be raising them.
I need only take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.  Just because a situation is hard doesn't mean we will always struggle with it.  It typically ALWAYS gets better.  Our Lord never gives us more than we can handle.  But, I think it is important to remember to GIVE IT TO HIM when we reach our limits.
Here is a pic of my sweet angels playing in the snow...and yes, this is actually after dreaded day 3.  They look so "destroyed", don't they?  Isn't it funny how these Mommy guilt situations seem so much bigger to us Mommies?

    To our sweet Owen,
Son...you are a Willis without doubt.  You act as if you have my genes and your Daddies genes half and half.  Especially when you make those funny faces like he does.  Or when you look at me and say "NO." after YOU did soemthing you know you shouldn't have done.  The difference that blows me away is this:  You overcome so much more than I ever could.  You must get that from your Daddy.  You are no longer afraid of Nana and Papa's crazy dogs.  Even the big, psychotic one.  Caught you petting him the other day.  You.  Amaze.  Me.  I am so honored to be your Mommy.
Love you more,
Mommy